The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions, and through it all, we finally got a few precious smiles from John today. They’re small victories, but they mean the world to us. After what felt like an endless struggle, the absence of fever and the clear blood cultures have brought us a glimmer of hope. While we still don’t have answers to what caused the sudden spikes in his condition, the medical team continues to administer IV antibiotics, just in case.
It’s been a bittersweet journey. Despite John’s stable condition, we find ourselves stuck in the PICU because of a hospital-wide capacity issue. Every single bed on every floor is occupied, which means we’re waiting for a room to open up on the regular inpatient floor. As frustrating as it is, we’re trying to stay patient, knowing that it’s a matter of time before we can move out of the critical care unit.
This morning, we had an important meeting with our pulmonologist, who is on call this week. It’s been a long, exhausting year of trying various treatments, but we’ve come to a place where we have no other options left. Even on his best days—when he’s not sick, when his airway clearance is perfect, and his lungs sound clear—John still requires more oxygen than before. His baseline is shifting, and it’s hard to accept that this change might be permanent.
Over the course of the past year, we’ve exhausted every possible alternative treatment. Our pulmonologist confirmed it today: “We have exhausted all options.” These words, while expected, felt like a punch to the gut. The only remaining steps are Botox injections or the possibility of a tracheostomy, both of which come with their own set of challenges. The decision won’t be easy, and we’re relying on the results of John’s sleep study in January to help guide that next step.
There’s an added layer of difficulty during this hospital stay, though. This year, our children’s hospital implemented a new rule: siblings can’t visit during respiratory season. For Mark, being apart from his baby brother is heart-wrenching. He misses John so much, and it breaks my heart to see the bond they share strained by distance. They’re both so used to being together, and this separation is harder than we ever expected.
But despite everything, John is still smiling. He’s still fighting. He’s still showing us what real strength looks like. There are moments when the weight of it all feels unbearable, but then we see that little smile, and it reminds us of his resilience. His fight isn’t just about medical struggles; it’s about the joy he still finds, even when things seem so uncertain.
Through the pain, through the uncertainty, John continues to teach us about strength and hope. He’s teaching us that no matter how tough things get, there’s always room for a smile. And as we hold onto those smiles, we hold onto hope—that someday, soon, we’ll have more answers, more stability, and more moments where we can all be together again.
So for now, we wait. We wait for a room to open up. We wait for results. And we wait for more smiles—because, in the end, they’re the reminder we need that no matter the obstacles, we will continue to fight, together.
“Elephants in the Snow: A Winter Wonderland at the Oregon Zoo”.3079
It was a morning that would go down in history at the Oregon Zoo—a day no one, human or elephant, would ever forget. The forecast had been calling for snow, but no one could have predicted just how magical it would be. The zoo’s elephant keepers had prepared for a cold winter morning, making sure the elephants had their usual breakfast, but nothing could have prepared them for the sight of their beloved herd experiencing snow for the first time.
The day began like any other. The sun was barely up, casting a soft pink light across the zoo’s grounds. The air was crisp, and the first few flakes of snow had begun to fall overnight. The zookeepers arrived early, as usual, to check on the animals. Everything seemed calm. But as they entered the elephant enclosure, something
extraordinary happened.
The elephants, having already been awake and preparing for their daily routine, looked out into the world beyond their enclosure. The snow was thick, covering every tree, every bush, and the entire field outside. It was the first time they had ever seen snow. For a moment, they stood there, staring in wide-eyed wonder at the unfamiliar, white landscape.
It started slowly. Shani, the oldest elephant in the herd, took the first cautious steps. She stretched out her trunk and touched the snow lightly, as if to test its coldness. Her ears flapped slightly in the winter air as she took in the strange new sensation. Her trunk lifted higher, inspecting the snowy world around her. Then, with a soft trumpet, she began to move forward, her heavy feet sinking slightly into the snow. She gently pushed her trunk through the powder, watching as the snow fell off and crunched beneath her massive weight.
One of the younger elephants, Lily, couldn’t contain her excitement. As soon as she saw Shani take her first steps into the snow, she followed eagerly, lifting her legs high with each step as if she were marching into a new adventure. Lily’s ears flapped joyfully as she trundled through the snow, sending sprays of white powder in all directions. She began to swing her trunk back and forth, picking up snow and tossing it playfully into the air. The joy on her face was unmistakable—pure, childlike wonder at the simple beauty of snow.
Kizzi, the youngest of the herd, was a little more hesitant. She stood back at first, watching the others. She wasn’t sure what to make of the cold, wet substance covering the ground. But as she saw Lily happily rolling around and Shani investigating the snow with careful curiosity, her own curiosity began to grow. Slowly, Kizzi began to take tentative steps, her small feet leaving deep prints in the snow. She gingerly touched the snow with her trunk, then, in a moment of boldness, took a large step into it. The snow piled up around her legs as she slowly explored the new world before her.
As the elephants began to explore more, it was clear that this snow day was turning into something magical. Shani, the matriarch of the group, showed her playful side. She turned to Lily and Kizzi, grabbing a large chunk of snow with her trunk and tossing it into the air. Lily and Kizzi, never ones to shy away from a game, quickly followed suit, tossing snowballs at each other with their trunks. The trio of elephants was now fully immersed in their winter wonderland, rolling in the snow, picking up snowballs, and even making playful trumpet calls as they continued to frolic.
For the next hour, the zoo was transformed into a playground for these gentle giants. The sound of their trumpeting and the soft thud of their heavy bodies moving through the snow echoed across the zoo, a celebration of their newfound joy. The snow, once something foreign and intimidating, had become an instrument of pure fun. The elephants continued to explore, bonding over this shared experience, each elephant taking their own moment to enjoy the simple pleasure of the snow.
The zoo visitors were equally captivated by the sight. People from all over gathered around the elephant enclosure, smiling and laughing as they watched the majestic creatures interact with the snow. Children squealed with delight as they saw the elephants toss snow into the air, their giant trunks creating a playful snowstorm. It was a moment of connection—people and animals united in the magic of a snowy day.
Zookeepers, who had been quietly observing the scene from the sidelines, couldn’t help but smile. It was an unexpected joy, one they hadn’t anticipated when they prepared the enclosure that morning. They had seen the elephants do many things—play, bathe, forage, and even interact with toys and puzzles—but never had they seen them so animated, so full of life. The elephants, in their own way, had discovered a new world—a world of snow, and with it, a new sense of freedom and happiness.
As the day went on, the elephants’ playful antics continued. Kizzi, who had initially been hesitant, was now confidently charging through the snow, her body sending large plumes of white powder flying into the air. Shani, ever the matriarch, kept a watchful eye on her younger herd members, ensuring they were safe while still encouraging them to play. It was clear that the snow had brought out the best in them. They were not just animals experiencing a new environment—they were creatures living fully in the moment, embracing the world around them with joy and curiosity.
By the time the snow began to melt the next day, the elephants had settled down, content and satisfied. They had discovered something new together, something simple yet profound—the beauty of the world around them, and the happiness that comes from being present in it. The snow had brought them together, reminded them of the joy in the small things, and perhaps taught them to appreciate the wonders of the world, even the ones they had never experienced before.
And as the zoo returned to its usual rhythm, the images of elephants playing in the snow remained in the hearts of everyone who witnessed the magic of that day. It was a reminder that even the largest and most majestic creatures can find magic in the simplest moments—and that, sometimes, it only takes a snowstorm to remind us of the wonders of life.